After years of trying different techniques, I came across Albert Ellis and his work.  As I read his book Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy; A Therapist's Guide, the words "we disturb ourselves" jumped out at me, and I had an epiphany: We all do this in some manner.  We take something relatively easy to cope with and make it into a crisis.  Haven't we all been with someone who goes on and on about the fact that "It's raining!  What are we going to do?  We're going to get wet, and out hair will be a mess," and on and on.

This is completely irrational, but these people can't seem to appreciate that.  They're more invested in making themselves nuts.  They've certainly seen rain and have gotten wet before, and nothing catastrophic happened then... so why can't they grab an umbrella and get over it?  But the rain isn't really the issue, is it?  I'm convinced that we don't want to stop whining, because in some way it gives us attention.  And since most of us aren't feeling very appreciated or nurtured, we are using negativity as a way of getting out needs met---even though we know that it turns people off.

One of the ways we can begin to shift this behavior and make ourselves and everyone around us feel better is to use the art of exaggeration.  It's simply a twist on the way we disturb ourselves.  In other words, if you're passionately pursuing guilt, try exaggerating the feeling.  Viktor Frankl calls this "paradoxical intention," which in more simplistic terms means that if we get an extreme place, it becomes ridiculous.  It helps create the ability for self-detachment... you become you looking at you.

For example, suppose you went out to a fancy dinner and not only ate an entire porterhouse steak and French fried, but a luscious piece of chocolate cake with whipped cream for dessert.  Personally, I don't find this cause for self-flagellation, but many people do.  They'll wake up the next day and want to kill themselves.  They'll berate themselves for lack of self-control, feeling guilty and angry for their indulgence, and they'll start doing penance in the form of over-exercising and dieting to the point of near-starvation.

If this sounds like you, here's what I suggest: Really go for it.  Don't just run five miles on the treadmill and eat a rice cake for lunch.  Fantasize and go nuts!  Fully absorb yourself in the intensity of it---give yourself guilt!  What's this horrible, despicable indulgence really going to do to you?  You ate a steak.  God, you're a disgusting creature.  You have no self-control whatsoever.  And French fries, too.  And dessert.  How can you walk down the street and look people in the eye?  Maybe you need to just crawl into bed and never come out; nobody wants to look at you.  Besides, by now your clothes probably don't fit, so you can't get dressed and leave the house anyway.  And even if you did, people would just snicker as you walked by.  You should go ahead and say good-bye to your husband and children, because they'd be better off if they weren't saddled with a pig like you around the house.  After all, what kind of role model could you possible be?

Eating chocolate cake and whipped cream?!  Before you know it, the kids are going to be eating chocolate cake and whipped cream, too, and then their lives will be over as well.  It's better to leave them now, let them fend for themselves, or get them a new mother who won't embarrass them in such a grotesque and humiliating fashion.  Let them find a mother who deserves their love---one who only eats organic sprouts and tofu.   

And then what? What happens after you pack your bags and kiss the photos of your children good-bye, leaving little whipped cream marks in the shape of your lips on the picture frames?  You can go downtown, get a table at McDonald's, and never leave.  Just take all the money out of your bank account and sit there, eating Big Macs and hot apple pies until they have to bring in a crane to pluck you out of the place because you can no longer fit through the doors.  They'll have to build a special wing for you at the local zoo, next to the elephant habitat because there's no human dwelling to accommodate you.  Local children will come by and point, throw peanuts at you and giggle.

You'll find that you're able to take your stresses to their absurd conclusions, the more diffused they'll become.  You'll start to see that your obsession and concerns are probably out of whack with reality.  What's really going to happen if you eat a rich dinner?  Probably nothing.  Maybe you'll put on an ounce or two.  If you do it every day, that's another story... then you very well could end up in the elephant house.

"Humor is just another defense against the universe."

-Mel Brooks